My side of the story...

I'm writing this here in hopes the more people who know, the more who can reach out to him and try to help. It's a hard thing for me to admit and talk about, but this is MY blog and that's how it got started to begin with- when I needed an outlet and my own private writing space after my miscarriage. This won't be my last post on this subject-

After my miscarriage in July 2008, Brice became really depressed. One thing led to another and he somehow started using crystal meth. He was still the same sweet and caring and loving Brice, but money started getting tight. He somehow managed to blame it all on me to why he couldn't pay his truck note, insurance, credit cards, ect. We always had separate checking accounts and our own money. My dad always told me that's a huge mistake and not how a marriage should be, but it worked for us.

Every month I paid the water bill, light bill, gas bill, and paid for every piece of food in the house. Brice paid our mortgage. Six months ago Brice didn't have the money for our monthly mortgage of $1400. I took a loan out of the bank and told him not to worry about it (the bank loan) I would pay it each month. During all this, he was still the sweetest most loving husband anyone could ask for. He was so excited to be a daddy. I was in complete denial he had a drug problem. But I knew he did. He never slept. He never ate. He stopped hanging out with all his friends. He stopped visiting his family. He had meth sores on his mouth and sores all over his hands from where he would pick at his skin. After catching him twice in the garage smoking a meth pipe, he started going out and would stay gone all night long to get high.

I use to tell him that if he didn't stop I was going to move back to my dads house. He would cry and beg me to stay and to please support him that things would get better. I guess I figured as long as he was paying the mortgage and treating me like the Brice I married, I could deal with it. That's called denial I suppose. He was your typical addict. He use to tell me that if I got better with cleaning and doing laundry, he would stop doing drugs. He always blamed it on me, but yet told me how much he loved me and didn't want me to leave.

September 2009 once again, he didn't have the $1400 for our mortgage payment. At the end of September things were getting tensed for him at work because his bosses knew something was going on with him. He was always late to work and wasn't doing his job. Those are the exact words of his boss Darrell Taylor. Brice came to me and told me he needed to quit his job because the stress from his job is the reason he gets high all the time. He said he wanted to be sober so he could be a better husband and father and begged me to please support his decision. My brain told me no man in their right mind who has a baby on the way, quits their good paying job without finding another job first. But this is where my denial stepped back in. I told him to do whatever it is he needed to do to get sober. He quit his job that day. He started going to Houston 3 nights a week and would stay gone till 6am. His reason was he needed to sell the drugs he had to help us pay our mortgage. I told him it wasn't worth it. I told him we could get an apartment till he finds a job. He said no because me and the baby deserve a better life than that. This went on for 3 weeks straight- him going to Houston 3-4 nights a week till 6am. And he never had one penny to give me to pay our bills. Come October we are now two months behind on our mortgage. And he's three months behind on his truck payment. With no truck insurance. Because he stopped paying that, too.

A week ago he started getting really moody and would start crying for no reason telling me he's so confused about things and doesn't understand why we (me, my dad, his family) can't just understand why he has to do this because it's his only way to support us right now without a job. Well that would be fine if I was actually seeing money from these drugs he's supposedly selling. I realize now he was never selling drugs. He was going to get high all those nights. Last Saturday he came to me crying and said he loved me but he needed to get away and think about things. He said he didn't know how long he would be gone. So I let him go. That night he texted me and said "I love you baby. Sleep tight. I'll be home tomorrow sometime". He never came home. On Sunday he still wasn't home and ignoring all my text messages and wouldn't answer his phone for his parents. On Monday he still wasn't home and still ignoring all my text messages and still ignoring all the calls from his worried family. Finally Monday afternoon he texted me and asked me to move my stuff out of the house. I asked him why? He said "because I can't go on like this any longer. I have to do this for myself". He was blaming me for the drug situation he was in.

He finally came back to the house on Tuesday with his new meth whore by his side. Was high out of his mind. I called the cops on him in hopes they would find drugs on him and take him to jail so he can get help. They did find two meth/crack pipes, one in his truck and one in the house, but for whatever reason didn't arrest him. He now has a "meth whore" living in the house with him. She supports what he does because she does it to. He chose all that over his wife and son. We had such a good life together. Brice is now telling his family we were having marriage problems and that he has been trying to get me to move out for 6 months now. This is so far from the truth. Not once in the two years we have been married has Brice ever asked me to leave. He was always the one begging me to stay. Meth has taken ahold of the man I married and I don't even know who he is anymore. Brice use to have the kindest heart you could ever ask for in a man. But he's not that person anymore. And he blames it all on me.

I am now living at my dads and plan to file for divorce soon. I love Brice dearly, and if he would agree to get help I would forgive him for everything he has done. I want our old life back. I want our future back. I want my husband back, the man he was before crystal meth took over his mind, body, and soul. The Brice I know and loved would never end our marriage the way he did- thru a text message and then having a meth whore move into our house with all her clothes in my closet. Anyone who knows Brice, knows this isn't anything in a million years he would ever do. He was raised better than that. If he was in his right mind, he would have came home and told me this isn't working anymore we need to figure out who's going to move and who gets what. But instead, he chose to break our marriage off over the phone and asked me to move out, and came home the very next day with his new girlfriend. He had no guilt at all for kicking out his wife and the mother of his son- for drugs.

It kills me inside to know he chose drugs, the drug lifestyle, and a meth whore over me and the wonderful future we had together. But I guess like my sister said "Stop thinking about yourself for a minute, Brice also chose all that over his own son and his sons safety". When I look at it that way, I am glad he kicked me out because I would have never left him.

I don't want this divorce to get nasty, but right now I do not feel like my son is safe being around him, and I will do everything in my power to make sure of that. I'd give my life before I let my son be around Brice in that house without me or his parents there supervising. A lot of people close to Brice may now think that since he was so unhappy with me that he'll get better now that I am gone. They don't realize what meth does to a person and it's not a drug you can just stop, which is how Brice got himself into this situation to begin with.

Everyone that knows about this, even Brice's best guy friends, have come to me and said "I knew something was going on with him, he's been so different lately". And like my good friend Kristi said, "everyone has marriage problems, but marriage problems don't cause you to do drugs and make the choices Brice has made and is still making".

I'll end this here and all I ask for everyone to please pray to God to bring back the old Brice. Even if we never get back together, I just want him off drugs and to be the happy fun loving person he use to be so he can be a wonderful father, uncle, and a good son like he use to be. I'm not the only one who sees all the bad changes in him, but sadly I am the only one not in denial about it anymore.

xoxo


A good website to learn about meth www.kci.org